To be cool...

Let's face it in high school not everyone could be the cool kid.  Back in Germany where I went to school there was definitely a pecking order to things and everyone pretty much figured out their place in teenage society.  Sure I would've loved the opportunity to be THE cool kid but I think I was pretty much a career "entourager".  The one thing I've learned over the years is that even though there are a limited number of cool kids (not everyone can sit atop the mountain) there is no limit to the number of folks in an entourage.  And being part of an entourage is not a bad thing.  At the very least you have a sense of belonging.  I think even those loaner kids that we hear about in the news today would've been thrilled to be part of an entourage if only someone would've reached out to them.  Hey, it's that sense of belonging that we all crave. 

 

So what makes a "cool kid"?  And remember, don't confuse being cool with being popular.  The best athlete or the prettiest cheerleader may have been popular but it took a lot more than mad football skills or bouncing boobs to be a cool kid.  I think what really makes a cool kid cool is how they carried themselves and how they influenced those around them.  The cool kids I remember where the ones that didn't need to terrorize the weak.  They didn't insult or alienate.  On the contrary, they had a certain dignity to them and were actually engaging with us mere mortals.  They were the ones we so wanted to be like.  To be a great athlete, to do well in class, to be respected by others and to be acknowledged by our teachers.  Gods among us!   The really cool kids I knew usually had a pretty big collection of friends and even though there was a distinct social structure at my school, the cool kids were never outwardly contemptuous of any of us wanna-be's and really had more of a benevolence towards us that was fitting their royal status.  Even though most of us never sat at their lunch table or shared a beer (yeah, we could legally drink in Germany as teens), they still had a way of making us feel a part of their world, a part of their extended entourage.  

The way I see it the one good thing about being part of an entourage is that you have someone to whom the bar is set.  Whether it's someone at work, the gym, your church or pretty much any where, the cool kids represent the possibilities for a better you.  For me they remind me there's yet another hill to climb in my life, there are more things I can do and I have many more opportunities to better myself.  They are that tangible target, that objective that I strive to achieve.  But we need to be careful, though.  Aspiring to emulate someone is a good thing but aspiring to BE that person is all together different.  You recall the groupies that appeared to be nothing more than a poor clone of the original cool kid.  They so much wanted to be a part of that cool kid's life that they were willing to throw away their own identity in order to sit at the table of the cool kid.    

We've been out of high school for quite some time but the cool kids and their entourage still exist.  Think of those folks that everyone seems to gravitate towards at work, the ones that everyone respects and admires.  They're the ones you want on your project and the ones you hope will join you for drinks after work.  Those "cool kids" don't terrorize their coworkers with conniving and unethical behavior. The cool kids today are the ones that seek out your opinion and ask you to participate.  They're the ones that walk by your office and say "hi" or pour you a cup of coffee as you enter the break room.  For me the cool kids today are the photographers that encourage my art, the experienced hiker that invites me to climb Long's Peak or the accomplished swimmer that lets me tag along to his gym. It's nice to feel included.  To have someone above you reach down and pull you up to their level is an amazing feeling and it's quite humbling.   

I've finally come to realize that all of us can be the cool kid.  We don't necessarily need any special skills or be particularly pretty or have the best trinkets.  But we can be an inspiration for others.  We can reach out and make someone feel included.  We can make others feel they are important and that their presence is a blessing to us.  The simple "hello", the encouraging word or the polite gesture is enough to make anyone feel good about themselves and feel a sense of belonging if only for a moment.  Do these things NOT to be cool but because they are the right things to do.  The title "Cool" is what's bestowed upon you by those who are trying to emulate you.  The cool kids never set out to be cool.  They only set out only to be a better version of themselves.  So be the better you and let others worry about labels. 

Collaboration...

No matter how rogue we might think we are our lives have been one, big collaboration.  A kumbaya of the highest order.  We do NOTHING alone.  No matter how bad ass we might think we are or how lonely we might feel, it took a village to create us and that village drives everything we do as we move forward through life.  As much as I love my solitude and as much as I might think I do so much on my own, the man I am today was created through the constant collaboration of the souls I've met along the path of my life.  God has been my biggest contributor and lets face it, He pretty much got the ball rolling, creating the specs, setting the foundation and kick starting it back in 1961 when my parents on one particular night got freaky.  Gaak, did I just say that?

But since my birth my life has been nothing but a collection of influences.  I can't image the man I might have become if even one seemingly insignificant experience didn't occur.  You might be thinking "butterfly effect" and you'd be right.  Every positive and negative gesture and my responses to them have shaped this person I am now.  My years as a Brat, my time in the Army, my first marriage, my second marriage, my beautiful daughters, my obsession with athletics and every conceivable exchange with those I crossed paths has made me who I am today.  I've had some REALLY wonderful and horrible experiences but without them I never would've experienced the kinds of discoveries and epiphanies that have strengthened me and enlightened me.  So many people have influenced my life, in one way or another, which has put me right where I am now.  People I've shared a home, a classroom, a foxhole, a beer (several), a cry, a laugh, a chat, a text, they've all put their mark on me.  Hell, there are people I've never met, both living and dead, that have touched my life in some way or another. 

What's great about this collaboration of life is that we can all exercise our free will and more importantly, so do those we're collaborating with.  Sure I could come up with some kind of life living on my own in some vacuum but it wouldn't have the vibrancy, depth or meaning that my life has now from all the contributions these past 51 years.  I hope I'm not coming off as pretentious.  I hope you understand that what I'm saying is that I've been truly blessed because of everyone that's been a part of my life, big or small.  And when you come to think of it, we ALL have a pretty blessed life.  So as I muddle through each day, smiling over those that bring me joy and grinding my teeth over those that piss me off, I'm thankful for all of them and everyone in between. 

We've all got this great, big canvas.  Let's create something special together.

Newsworthy...NOT!

I remember back in the day when streaking was popular.  Folks use to interrupt baseball or football games running around the field in all their glory.  Camera crews use to follow these guys around the field until the cops or some big lineman drilled them into the ground.  It wasn't long until the telecasters decided NOT to show these people interrupting the game.  It was their feeling, over 30 years ago, not to dignify these morons by putting them on TV.  Funny how when they stopped showing these guys running around the field that the streaking craze started to lose it's luster.  And none too soon.  Most of those streakers REALLY had no business being naked.  Gaak!

Is it just me or are we experiencing the same "streaker" syndrome now?  People are doing all kinds of crazy and hideous things that get televised but unlike years past, today's media hasn't quite figured out that they need to stop promoting these events.  I'm not saying we need to ignore these stories.  I'm saying we need to stop glorifying the criminals.  Yes, media bitches, you GLORIFY criminals.  And the more you do that the more criminals you create.  As I've said before everyone wants their 15 minutes of fame.  The media gives so much air time to these criminals that they're practically encouraging other demented freaks to commit their crimes against humanity just to get their moment of fame.  All their lives they've felt put down, ignored, bullied, whatever.  They want to be heard and the media is inviting them to lash out.  Recently on some talk show someone challenged a representative of the media about how they are glorifying these serial killers by how they're reporting on them.  The media gonk sniped back, "Well what are you saying?  We should just not report on these crimes?"  Wow, that's like my wife correcting me about leaving socks on the floor and I lash out at her "FINE!  I'll NEVER wear socks again!!"  Today's media just doesn't understand the concept of responsible reporting.  They truly don't understand that when they try to focus our attention on the criminal rather than the crime they ARE glorifying and dignifying these people

When Psycho Orangehair decided to shoot up a theater in Aurora all the media wanted to do was post pictures and videos of this creature and report on his demented lifestyle because "we have a right to know."  Hey, I think when we heard the first report of a lone gunman going into a theater shooting up the place that we all came to the conclusion that it was the work of some twisted piece of crap.  I care very little of the individual who caused this tragedy.  I care more for the victims and how the community is trying to recover but unfortunately today's news media doesn't share that same feeling.  They're more interested in sensationalizing the crime in order to increase their ratings.  The media will have you believe it's more important to interview a second grade classmate of this killer rather than focus on what happened and what's being done to recover and hopefully minimize another such attack.

It's obvious that today's journalism degrees don't include any classes in ethics or responsible reporting.  Journalism is now of an art form, creating images and feelings rather than actual reporting.  Just yesterday all the local news stations focused on the Aurora theater killer's change in hair color and new beard. Why are we even seeing images of this freak?  Like the streaker of years past, this guy has no business getting any air time.  I don't need to see a photograph, video or artist rendering of this creep.  Report on the crime or don't report at all.

For once, Channel 2, 4, 7, 9 and 31, show some courage and make the commitment to responsible reporting.  For once put ratings aside and show some dignity and integrity in what you do.  Inform, not inflame.

Story time...

It's seems a lot of us are obsessed with getting our 15 minutes of fame.  Hell, look at all those folks clambering to get on one of those pathetic reality TV shows, or the thousands of duck-face photos you see posted all over Facebook, and let's not forget those self-righteous bloggers who seem to think they have all the answers.  ;-)

We spend more time running off at the mouth rather than engaging our ears.  Sad when you think about it because there are so many wonderful stories out there we never get to hear because we won't shut up for two minutes.  There's a quote that goes something like this, "before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes."  Smarmy folks need not correct me on content or origin.  The point I'm trying to make is that to walk a mile in someone's shoes means to listen to and understand their story.  Unfortunately we're too quick to judge that book based merely on it's cover without ever turning a page.   

The first gesture towards forging any relationship is to understand the journey that a person has traveled throughout their life.  Seems to be straight forward but I suspect most of us don't do a real good job of trying to understand those we meet.  How can we appreciate someone without knowing their history?  I would argue we're more likely to share our story long before listening to others.  It doesn't mean we're bad people.  We all want to be understood and let's face it, we're all better talkers than listeners.  But putting the focus on us dims the light that shines from others.  Our journey through life will include obstacles and hardships.  How we respond to them is a matter of choice and that choice determines our character and how we choose to embrace life, whether we want to be happy or miserable.  Even if the details of someone's life is hard to hear it still makes that person endearing if only for the simple reason that every one of us has a story, a very unique story and it's that story that makes everyone of us special.  

I know some folks don't like to share the details of their lives and they make every effort to keep walls up around them so life doesn't intrude.  It's tough, I know, because there are a lot of folks out there that will mock you or take advantage of you because of your story.  So it's a matter of trust.  Finding someone that wants to hear your story and appreciate and respect you for it isn't always an easy thing to do.  Insecurity and fear makes it difficult to take that leap.  I've been fortunate enough in my life to have met some folks that have trusted me with their story.  In all cases I've learned so much more about the capacity to endure, about perseverance, the depths of their resolve and the real meaning of courage.  I can't help but admire and respect them for who they are. 

So take the time to listen.  I mean really listen to the stories of those around you.  I guarantee you'll find them more fascinating than anything coming out of Hollywood or splashed across your TV screen.

Alone...

Yeah, I'll admit.  I'm one of those Facebook poster/sharer types that likes to post inspirational messages on my status page.  For one, we ALL need a little inspiration now and then secondly, there's so much bullshit sensational drama and negativity out there that I might as well try to give the positive some air time.  I've been following the "Health is Wealth" Facebook page because they post a lot of inspirational messages about staying true to your goals and tapping into the inner strengths we tend to forget we have.  You should check them out when you have a chance.

For some reason this particular one really resonates with me.  I guess it's because for SO many years I've pursued my goals all by myself, with no training or study partners, no support groups, nothing.  Just me, God and whatever resolve I might have.  I guess actually I've never really been alone having the Big Guy by my side but in all outward appearances I've stood alone.  I know that's a very difficult thing for folks to do.  Perhaps my faith makes it easier for me.  But I also think being alone is something I prefer.  Hey I love encouragement and I really appreciate well wishes from friends and family but when I'm hunkered down trying to tackle the most recent obstacle that presents itself, it's better for me not to have "distractions".  To be honest this is just one of my personal issues.  When there are other people around me I have this feeling that I need to attend to them which takes away from my ability to focus on the task at hand.  Hey, I know we're all wired differently.  I guess that's just how I was made and unfortunately my warranty expired YEARS ago.

It's my belief that even if you have that big support group or that constant training/study partner, you're still performing on your own.  Your side kick isn't doing those pushups for you nor is he or she carrying you across all those miles you're running.  You're still doing those things on your own.  Just you, the little demon voices in your head telling you to stop and your own resolve.  Having someone by your side is nice but all they really represent is a distraction, a distraction from the misery that you're currently having to endure.  And for some that's not necessarily a bad thing.  Take parents for example.  They can be going through all kinds of issues, both physical or emotional, but when there is child present they put most of that pain aside in order to deal with the child.  When you're struggling through a workout it probably makes it a little easier for you knowing that someone else is suffering right along with you and that common bond is what can inspire and motivate you to continue.

So please don't get me wrong.  Having someone there with you to encourage you along the way is a good thing.  But what if they fail you?  What if they turn away?  Will you allow that to keep you from your goal?  Don't ever be afraid to stand alone.  Remember, being alone and being lonely are two different things.  You should feel good being alone.  Why the hell not?  You're a good person and wouldn't you want to be hanging out with good people even if it's just you?  I've said this before and I'm sure most of you have heard this elsewhere, if something is truly that important to you then you should be willing to do it on your own.  Might as well get comfortable with being alone because you'll be standing alone on that victory stand. 

Rock on!!

"There's no crying!"

So "League of Their Own"..... chick flick or no?  Yeah, it's loaded with women but it's sports and baseball and there are some classic lines that definitely stir the testosterone soup.  "There's no crying in baseball!" and "It's the hard that makes it great."  Come on, those are awesome lines.  So forget the chicky, girly stuff.  It's a pretty cool movie and I consider it one of my favorites. 

For me I think the movie all came down to Tom Hank's speech about how baseball is suppose to be hard and that it's the hard that makes it great.  If you listened to that monologue and didn't associate it with life then you may have been distracted by that bowl of popcorn you were eating.  Life is a struggle.  It's hard and overwhelming at times.  But it truly is those moments when it's hard that greatness presents itself.  Nothing of any real value is ever achieved by taking the easy way out.  The gifts we're given are wonderful but if we haven't earned them they have no real significance and are easily forgotten. 

I'm glad life is hard.  Now don't get me wrong, I'd never enjoy struggling all the time.  Unless the circumstances require it I don't normally do something that's hard just because it's hard.  If that were the case I'd be doing Calculus and Trig while sifting a cat box and cleaning up dog vomit just for the hell of it.  I do hard things because of the journey.  I do them for the experiences and discoveries I'll have along the way.  I do photography not because I have any exceptional skill.  I do it because I love the creative challenge of trying to capture an image that might elicit a feeling from those that view it.  I've run marathons and triathlons not because I love beating the hell out of myself but because of the tremendous and addictive gratification I feel from accomplishing something that I thought I couldn't.  If running and photography were easy it's a safe bet I wouldn't do them.

It truly is the hard that makes it great.  It's not about medals or awards.  It's about feeling something special about yourself.  Life NEEDS to be hard, to some degree, at least.  If life isn't a challenge to you, if everything seems easy then you're not pushing your boundaries.  I use to say I did all those crazy races because I was trying to find the bounds of my own mortality.  As long as what ever I was doing didn't kill me then there was room for me to stretch even more, to see how much farther I could go before the wheels fell off and my heart exploded.  It was a matter of putting a little fear into my life.  What was it someone said?  "Every day do something that scares you."  I'm not saying you need to take unnecessary risks but putting yourself out there in front of life's obstacles, even if it scares you, does more to determine your character and your sense of accomplishment than anything that is just given to you. 

It's not the finish line that determines greatness.  It's the journey to that finish line and knowing you saw it through to the very end that defines greatness.  To see who you were when you started and to see who you've become when you cross that finish line is the true mark of greatness.  

Victor versus victim...

Ever notice that the folks that typically cry "Why me!?" whenever some little hiccup occurs in their lives are also the ones that usually are hell-bent on getting their pound of flesh, demanding revenge when they've been wronged?  Those folks that overcome hardships do very little finger pointing and seldom seek revenge over any real or perceived wrong doing that befell them.  They see themselves not as victims but as victors over their circumstances.

Imagine if Christ looked upon the cross, thinking of Himself as a victim rather than a victor over death?  On the surface the cross represents violence, pain, suffering, agony, torture and death.  Yet as Christians we look at the cross as a great symbol of Christ's victory over death and our reconciliation with God.  Where would our faith be if we believed in our hearts that we're victims?  There would be no faith.  So why do we look at the painful periods of our lives as symbols of defeat?  If you're reading this now you've obviously endured at least one hardship in life and here you are standing triumphant over that which would have destroyed you in some way, be it physical, emotional or spiritual.  You were knocked to the canvas and got back up.  Perhaps you don't really see it that way.  Maybe you just see it as once upon a time an incredibly hurtful thing happened to you and that's where your story ends.  And because that's where your story ends you perpetuate the notion that you're a victim, that you are the defeated, the conquered and standing over you are all those things you feel have kept you down all your life.  You fail to realize that your story still has a dramatic and wonderful finish, one that shows you as the victor over everything that would otherwise destroy you.  To come to that realization, to know that you endured, that you survived, is an awe-inspiring gift whose magnificence cannot be measured. 

We all have stories to tell.  Those people that choose to rise above adversity do so for their own good because they choose a better life.  To them it's not a matter of comparing their struggles with someone else.  There is no degree of suffering.  Suffering is suffering.  What might seem like a nightmare to some is just an annoyance to others.  Your pain is your own and it's YOUR decision on how you intend to deal with it.  Comparing and judging your trials with someone else only means that at this moment in time you are less concerned about making a better life for yourself and more concerned about being a victim.  Remember life will only change when your threshold of pain exceeds your willingness to change.  If you're making excuses for your life than you are in fact very comfortable in the misery you've created for yourself.   

You should be able to look back over the battlefields of your life and know that glory is and always has been yours.  Look back on those moments and remind yourself that no matter how horrible and tragic those events may have been, you are still here, still standing.  All that would have otherwise kept you down now lays before your feet, vanquished by your own personal resolve to rise above it.  Even if you don't feel strong, you really are.  Life is more gratifying, more rewarding when we've overcome and the ability to overcome exists in all of us.  It is truly a matter of choice. 

And never forget, "to the victor go the spoils!"