Old Man River...

I've come to the realization that old guys aren't the goofy geeks everyone thinks they are. On the contrary, they've just come to the point in their lives where they don't give a rat's shit what other people think of them. This epiphany came to me as I sat in the hotel lounge by myself, drinking my Stella while playing solitaire on my iPhone. I'm sure I looked like a dork but the degree of my ambivalance couldn't be measured by any mechanism known to man. You know it wasn't so long ago when I looked upon guys like me with a sense of pity and disgust. Little did I know that they had a keener grasp on the realities of life than I did and they were far happier doing their own thing while the rest of us tried doing the so-called cool thing.  And I'll be honest, I failed miserably at being cool.  

But I will say there is one thing I find pretty creepy and incredibly uncomfortable to watch and that's the old guy trying to put on the moves on a 20 something. It's just wrong on sooooo many levels. I mean, dudes, really?  You're hitting on someone old enough to be your daughter.  Now that might fly in Kentucky or Arkansas but the rest of the civilized world frowns on that kind of behavior. I just want to remind them that back "in their day" they never could've landed such a hotty so what makes them think they could do any better now?  And unlike fine wine, their flirting skills DON'T get better with age. My brothers, it's like watching a train wreck when you try to be all Senior Suavy to the youngsters.  Consider yourself lucky that they're polite and respectful enough to spare you what they're really thinking.  

A piece of advice - back away from the babes and keep your hands where we can see 'em.  There are plenty of blue hairs to nail at the retirement home and most of them won't even remember you failed to "bring your A game."  

You're welcome.