Oh He's Listening...

"Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it."  Don't know who coined that phrase but it was quite prophetic last night.

I recently joined a men's bible study group through my church.  We typically meet on Wednesday nights at a Starbucks located within a local King Soopers grocery store.  It's not a big group, usually no more than three to five of us at a time.  We pretty much dive into the scripture from the previous Sunday service.  Our conversations last night got into some of the prejudices we experienced in life and how in our particular community we don't face a lot of the social issues we see across the country due to our demographics.  We agreed that we need to be challenged at times regarding our faith and our compassion towards others.  Little did I know that God would take us up on our request so quickly.

I noticed during our session that a younger fellow sitting across the room with a couple of friends would periodically look over at us.  On a couple of occasions he walked by to either throw away some trash or refill his water, each time walking a little closer to our group trying to listen in on our conversations.  As we were about to wrap up with our closing prayers he made his way over to us.  This is where the fun began.

He hesitated when he approached, not wanting to interrupt us.  Our pastor assured him that he was welcome.  At first he genuinely seemed interested in what we were doing, asking us about our group and what we were discussing.  But it quickly became clear he had another agenda.  His questions were not about gaining a better understanding for himself but rather to challenge us in our beliefs.  

He started pulling out random lines of scripture to try and prove some point that basically no one is saved.  He tried to suggest that any relationship with God would only be offered to a select few which really had nothing to do with faith.  It was clear to me that even with all this vast knowledge he possessed about the contents of the Bible he was not a person of faith.  He started grilling us on whether we could recite the Ten Commandments or if we knew what a particular verse in the Bible was.  I don't know about you but I couldn't recite every chapter and verse of the Bible in any great shakes.  Several times he would stop to ask if he should leave and stated he didn't want to make us mad, each time looking at me when he said it.  I guess I never really did have a good poker face.  Perhaps he thought I was going to explode or worse yet, fly across the room and pound him.  To be honest those thoughts did cross my mind a couple of times.    

Finally at one point Pastor Steve and another gentleman from our group, Stan, offered to have this man join us so we could pray for him.  He bristled and said, "Why would I want to pray with someone who doesn't know the Bible?"  Well, that was it for me.  Now I generally stayed quiet throughout this exchange but now I had to chime in.  "You mean to tell me that if we could answer ALL of your questions, the way you want them to be answered and we could recite each line and verse of the Bible, you'd sit down and pray with us?"  His stammer was all the proof I needed.  I told him that I questioned his intentions about why he approached us in the first place.  I admitted I can't recite every verse in the Bible nor explain every nuance of each Gospel.  But I do know that Jesus is my Lord and Savior and no amount of
brow beating is going to change my faith."  

Yeah to say I was a bit spun up was an understatement.  Last night certainly pointed out my spiritual flaws in high definition.  My insecurities stemming from my lack of knowledge about the contents of the Bible does put me on the defensive at times when I'm confronted.  All I can say is I know what I know.  There's an understanding, a truth within me that can't be explained in words.  Even without a Bible in hand I know my relationship with God through Jesus is real.  No amount of lawyer-speak and word twisting is going to convince me otherwise.  

I know this guy was basically trying to pick a spiritual fight and unfortunately I let him get under my skin.  It wasn't until later as I was driving home that I understood that this poor guy is essentially lost.  Somewhere along in his life he was convinced that he wasn't good enough.  Someone sold him a bill of goods that his life and his soul didn't matter.  I think the episode last night was an attempt on his part to reach out and find someone that would say he was OK.  I realize that it's not enough just to have faith.  For those of faith we have a responsibility to share our faith and provide comfort to those who are suffering, especially to those that don't even know they are.  I know the next time this type of situation presents it'll be helpful to have a stronger grasp on the contents of the Bible but more importantly I need to bring forth more compassion and patience.  It's always been in my nature to want to fight back when I get attacked.  I just pray I can do it from a position of love rather than anger.

Here's to doing it better next time.

Old Man River...

I've come to the realization that old guys aren't the goofy geeks everyone thinks they are. On the contrary, they've just come to the point in their lives where they don't give a rat's shit what other people think of them. This epiphany came to me as I sat in the hotel lounge by myself, drinking my Stella while playing solitaire on my iPhone. I'm sure I looked like a dork but the degree of my ambivalance couldn't be measured by any mechanism known to man. You know it wasn't so long ago when I looked upon guys like me with a sense of pity and disgust. Little did I know that they had a keener grasp on the realities of life than I did and they were far happier doing their own thing while the rest of us tried doing the so-called cool thing.  And I'll be honest, I failed miserably at being cool.  

But I will say there is one thing I find pretty creepy and incredibly uncomfortable to watch and that's the old guy trying to put on the moves on a 20 something. It's just wrong on sooooo many levels. I mean, dudes, really?  You're hitting on someone old enough to be your daughter.  Now that might fly in Kentucky or Arkansas but the rest of the civilized world frowns on that kind of behavior. I just want to remind them that back "in their day" they never could've landed such a hotty so what makes them think they could do any better now?  And unlike fine wine, their flirting skills DON'T get better with age. My brothers, it's like watching a train wreck when you try to be all Senior Suavy to the youngsters.  Consider yourself lucky that they're polite and respectful enough to spare you what they're really thinking.  

A piece of advice - back away from the babes and keep your hands where we can see 'em.  There are plenty of blue hairs to nail at the retirement home and most of them won't even remember you failed to "bring your A game."  

You're welcome. 

Deeeeeep cleansing breath...

I've never been good at conventional meditation.  Aroma candles, spa music on Pandora, comfy clothes and a soft mattress are a recipe for nap time rather than an opportunity to meditate.  As much as I enjoy all those sensory treasures, they'll put me to sleep quicker than I can say "Aaooohhhmm".  Forcing myself to sit in a dark room and go through some checklist of things one must do in order to meditate just doesn't work for me either.  If I'm going to get the benefits of meditation then I need a better method for combating the demons in my head.

Not sure how common or uncommon this might be but my best meditation happens while I'm in the throws of some athletic endeavor.  For years my therapy sessions took place along the Pacific Coast Highway, "PCH" for all you So Cali's.  I would ride or run for miles, all the while getting lost in thought and prayer over any and all topics that occupied my life at the time.  Today all those years of pounding the pavement have limited my ability to run and meditate.  Nowadays when I run my thoughts are more along the lines of how crappy my knees and back feel rather than sifting through the cobwebs of my mind.  So my new venue is the pool.  Getting in the water at 4:00 AM, with the pool all to myself, I can delve deep into my thoughts.  Sure that first jolt from the cold water is not exactly how I want to greet the day but it's a good wake up call for the mediation to come.

I guess the same way that music and scented candles help some folks set the mood for meditation, the rhythm of my stroke, kick and breathing help put me into a mental groove that opens my mind and my heart to all kinds of thoughts and feelings.  The only challenge for me is trying to keep count of my laps.  My obsessive compulsive nature forces me to keep a highly accurate count of my laps so I know exactly how far I've gone and when I can stop.   Hey, no short cuts!  And if I lose count, then it's an extra lap just to be sure.  If only I could meditate my way out of that behavior.  Oh well.

Meditation is something we all need from time to time.  You can't keep running around like a crazy person trying to solve one problem after another without making time for yourself.  We all need time to decompress and think upon issues in our lives and come to grips with how we feel about them.  The great thing about meditating is you can think and feel any way you want without filter or judgement.  Don't let someone try to tell you exactly how you're suppose to meditate.  There are some fundamental aspects that you should consider and music and candles aren't necessarily for everyone.  The key is eliminating distractions.  Kids, spouses, friends, etc, they all need to take a back seat while you work your way through the things that are weighing heavily on your mind.  One of the greatest benefits to meditating is you can go through a string of emotions over something and more often than not by the time you're done you've come to some understanding about it that is most likely somewhere in the middle of the extreme feelings you felt.

So do yourself a favor and give yourself a moment or two throughout the week to be calm and quiet and think about the things that are most important to you.  You need this every bit as much as you need to eat and breathe.  Just try not to fall asleep.  :-)

Training Day...

In the Army we use to say, "Train the way you're going to fight."  In a training environment you'd be put through hell so that when the time came when you truly need courage and strength you'd be able to draw upon those resources that would get you through your situation.  In my obsessive days of triathloning and marathoning I would literally push myself to near collapse so that anything race day could throw at me I'd be ready.  If I hadn't pushed myself so hard putting in all those miles in the pool and on the road the physical and mental challenges on race day would have certainly consumed me.

As we all move through life we may experience from time to time severe hardships.  Most of the time we look back on those experiences emotionally and physically scarred, usually harboring feelings of anger or resentment.  The unfortunate thing is that we miss the most important lesson of those experiences and that's the acquisition of strength.  Now I know we've all heard the phrase, "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."  It's an overused statement intended to help someone recover from a horrible situation.  It's really come to mean that you merely survived a difficult time in your life and nothing more.  At no time has anyone ever said, "Well, this experience has certainly strengthened you for other things to come in life."

Think about this.  After the suffering we've endured other difficult events have come along and in our minds they didn't seem nearly as bad as the one that nearly crushed us.  But imagine if you hadn't had that one really bad experience.  Imagine how much more difficult those subsequent events may have been for you if you hadn't had the opportunity to grow and become stronger through that one horrible experience.  Trust me I'm not saying we need to go out looking for trouble.  Trouble definitely has a way of finding us.  But hopefully when the
day comes and while in the depths of your despair perhaps you might entertain the thought that the event, as horrible as it may be, is a training day for you.  Perhaps it's intended to help strengthen you for other things life will be throwing at you.  

Hardships will present themselves to you and you will be beat about the head and shoulders but in the end you WILL find yourself still standing.  At that time remind yourself you didn't just survive, you conquered.  You emerged victorious and gained great personal strength through it all.  You will find that the more life throws at you the more you can take and the stronger you will become.

Bucket List 2.0

I figured now that I'm receiving AARP ads in the mail it's ok for me to come up with a "before I die" bucket list without coming off all maudlin about my own mortality.  I've developed a few lists over the years but figured it was time for some updating.  As a crotchety-old-man in training it's my perogative to change my mind as I see fit.

So here's what's in the bucket...

1.  I'd like Morgan Freeman to narrate something interesting about me.  Wouldn't we all?  Ok, it doesn't even have to be interesting.  Hell he could talk about me brushing my teeth and it would sound cool.

2.  One last time I'd like to sit in the Spaten bier tent at the Munich Oktoberfest drinking my favorite bier.  

3.  Some day I hope to hold my grandchild in my arms and to hear them call me Papa or Papa John.

4.  I'd like to be able to retain all the cherished memories I've collected over my life and forget all the bad ones.  

5.  I want to still be able to snowboard when I'm 75. 

6.  I'd like to have Christina Hendricks hand me a tumbler of a very fine single malt and say, "Is there anything else I can do for you, Mr. Draper?"  Must include lots of body language, the purple dress and pouty lips.  Hey, it's my list!

7.  I'd like to be able to buy a bottle of Louis XIII and share it with family and friends.  Oh and some Cubans as well.  Cigars, not people.  

8.  I want to see the sun set on a beach in Hawaii. 

9.  I want to see the sun rise over the Alps. 

10.  I'd like to ride a train (1st class) through Europe. 

11.  I'd like to spend Christmas with both daughters and their families.  

12.  I want to see my girls achieve personal success and find true happiness.  They're definitely on the right track.

13.  I want to run one more marathon, preferably through Death Valley. 

14.  I'd like to work on a vineyard during harvest time.  

15.  I want to ride a horse bareback without personal injury.  

16.  I'd like to find a chocolate old fashion doughnut as good as the ones I use to get from that old grocery store in Daly City, California back when I was a kid. 

17.  I'd like to conduct my own personal taste test between California's finest big reds and Bordeaux's best.  Someone will have to provide the wine, though.

18.  I want to sit with someone who's willing to listen to all my stories without judgement or falling asleep.  

19.  I'd like to be able to leave this existence quickly and quietly with little fanfare, leaving enough behind for everyone to have a wicked cool party.

Well I think that's it for now.  So let's get started.  Where's the horse?