The Devil Wears T-shirts and Jeans...

Like most men I lack the essential chromosome that would make me want to "shop till I drop" but I will say it was kinda nice that my beautiful bride took me out to get some casual work clothes. It's not that I necessarily need them and I define "need" as anything that's older than 30 years and is exposing parts of me that the world would prefer not to see, but I suppose it was time to get some new duds.  I'm sure my co-workers think I only own two shirts and two pairs of pants.  Alright, alright, guilty.  Well, maybe it was time to get me a new frock so I conceded and off to the mall we went. 

Shopping for me, and men in general, is a breeze. Whatever my wife likes I get. I'll tell you right now behind every well dressed man there's a woman holding a dozen other outfits saying, "And you were going to wear this crap?!  Oh hell no!"  It's painfully obvious when I've shopped for clothes by myself.  Color coordination, symmetry and style matching is lost on me. I kinda look like a Picasso painting.  In the Book of John (that's me), it is written, "And the Lord gave onto John blue jeans and a t-shirt and He saw that it was good, as well as comfortable.  For He knowth John cannot dress himself."

We found quite a few things my wife found acceptable so the hunt for men's clothes was deemed a success.  It was time for a lunch break.  The communion wafer and shot of grape juice wasn't going to be enough to sustain us through the second half of shopping so we made our way over to 3 Margaritas and filled up some good Mexican food. 

After a hearty halftime lunch we made our way over to Forever 21 which I mistakenly thought was a real estate office. Oh, that's CENTURY 21, my bad.  Well Forever 21 is THE Mecca for girly fashion. A maze of color and styles, outfits and accessories.  Too much for my simple mind to process.  As the massive burrito and two margaritas sat heavy in my stomach I was fortunate to discover two stools by the dressing room that I'm assuming were most likely intended for the exhausted male. I plopped down on one while a young boy no older than 10 sat on the other, obviously waiting for mama or a sister.  Poor guy, already being dragged around to go clothes shopping at such a young age.  I was almost going to think how cruel to expose this kid to such misery when I noticed he was gleefully singing along to the retro teen, bubble gum music that was blaring throughout the store.  And it wasn't just the one song.  He juked and jived, belting out the lyrics to one song after another, happily singing in his own personal chorus line.  I thought "Wow, there goes the next fashion director at Vogue." 

My wife picked out some cute outfits but I will say it's difficult to critique women's fashion.  I either come off like a complete idiot or ..... no, I just come off like a complete idiot.  But anyway she did look great in the stuff she picked out.  The most fascinating aspect of this whole clothing adventure was that my stuff actually cost more than hers.  Boy, the planets must have been aligned some funky way for that to happen.  But regardless, it was a lot of fun being out with my honey, away from the house and the dogs and enjoying some wonderful spring time weather.  Ahhhhh, heaven.

What!?  We're suppose to get snow on Tuesday!??